How to Prevent a "Sleep Divorce": Common Sleep Related Issues Couples Face

As Valentine's Day approaches, it's the perfect time to address how our relationships, particularly with those we share a bed with, impact our sleep quality. Prioritizing sleep is crucial for both physical and mental health, but it can be challenging when your significant other has different sleep preferences or habits.

Before considering a "Sleep Divorce," let's explore some common sleep-related issues couples face and potential solutions:

Hot vs. Cold

It’s not uncommon for one person to “run hotter” than their partner. Some life events like pregnancy or menopause may also trigger especially big sleep discrepancies. If one partner runs hot while the other is always cold, try these strategies:

• Use separate blankets with different thicknesses. This is also known as the Scandinavian sleep method (a TikTok and Reverie favorite!)
• Invest in a dual-firmness mattress for temperature regulation
• Adjust thermostat to a compromise on temperature (but keep it below 68 degrees for optimal sleep)

Morning Lark vs. Night Owl (or night shift)

If you strongly favor the morning or night, you know. Some people are up and ready to go at 6 am, while others struggle to get out of bed before 10. Your tendencies naturally shift during different stages of life (e.g., teenagers naturally shift late). And sometimes work schedules drive sleep-wake habits, too, especially for shift workers. For couples with mismatched sleep-wake rhythms or on different schedules, consider:

• Wearing an eye mask and earplugs for the first person to bed.
• Designate a separate non-bedroom area for the night owl to unwind. 
• Consider a sound machine to block out partner noise. 
• Set aside quality time outside the bedroom at another time of day so that the early-to-bed partner can stick to their desired bedtime.

Nighttime Intruders

When we talk about improving our sleep, there are a lot of things we can control, like the room environment and sleeping surface. Then there are the unpredictables, like children or pets. We can’t always control how beloved little creatures act in the night, but we can:

• Establish a consistent bedtime routine. Studies show that kids who have consistent bedtimes are more likely to fall asleep faster and have fewer night wakings, which means less midnight disruption for you!
• Create a comfortable sleeping area for pets outside the bedroom. If your pets and kids have their own special sleep sanctuary, they will be much less inclined to encroach upon yours. 
• Alternate nighttime duty. When you’re really “in it” with puppy training or toddlers, consider alternating nights of parent duties to maximize rest instead of taking turns getting up with the baby. The off duty parent might even sleep in the guest room to benefit from a full night of rest. 

Strategies for Better Couples Sleep

1. Optimize your sleep environment: Create a bedroom conducive to sleep with comfortable bedding, appropriate lighting, and minimal noise4.
2. Establish a pre-bed routine: Engage in relaxing activities together, such as reading or listening to sleep music2, to prepare for sleep4.
3. Address sleep disorders: If insomnia12 or other sleep disorders in couples3 are present, seek professional help to improve overall sleep efficiency31.
4. Communicate openly: Discuss sleep preferences and concerns to find mutually beneficial solutions that enhance marital satisfaction and sleep35.
5. Practice good sleep hygiene: Maintain consistent sleep schedules, limit screen time before bed, and create a relaxing bedtime routine4.

While a "Sleep Divorce" may seem tempting, it's essential to weigh the pros and cons. Some couples report that sleeping separately improves their relationship by reducing conflict and leaving them more rested7. However, bed-sharing3 can also promote intimacy and improve relationship functioning and sleep35.

Ultimately, the goal is to find a balance that works for both partners. Whether you choose to sleep together or apart, prioritizing sleep quality3 and open communication about sleep habits3 can lead to improved relationship satisfaction and overall well-being58.

Remember, there's no one-size-fits-all solution. What matters most is finding an arrangement that promotes restful sleep and maintains a strong, healthy relationship. By addressing sleep issues together, couples can improve both their sleep quality3 and their relationship, ensuring sweet dreams for years to come.

With Valentine’s Day right around the corner, this is a great month to talk about how our relationships - especially with those we share a bed with - impact our overall sleep quality. To optimize physical and mental health, we can’t sacrifice the quality of our sleep because our significant other has a different schedule or comfort preference or heat tolerance. 

But before you send your partner to the guest room, initiating a “Sleep Divorce”, here are some things to consider and adapt: 

• Hot / Cold 
• Morning Lark / Night Owl
• Snoring
• Restlessness
• Nighttime intruders (kids)
• Furry friends