The Guide to Sleeping With a Newborn Baby: Advice From an Ob/Gyn & Beyond
Sleeping With a Newborn Baby: Advice From an Ob/Gyn
By Dr. Amelia Bailey, Ob/Gyn
Congratulations, and welcome to motherhood for the first, second, or greater time. It is the hardest job you will ever have but it comes with the greatest benefits package. For me, the most difficult part of the newborn period is sleep deprivation. My daughter needed to nurse every 2-3 hours for one week, and every feeding felt like an eternity. My husband is very helpful, but he needed sleep once he went back to work. And even though there were very special bonding moments with my little girl during the night, it still felt very lonely being the only person up multiple times while extremely fatigued and hormonal. I know you have been there, too, my friend! So, what can we do to maximize sleep time and to make the most of the little sleep we can get? Here are my favorite tips for sleeping with a newborn baby, all of which I have been using since the birth of my second child just a few months ago.
Sleep When You Can
Everyone says it, and it sounds so easy to sleep while your baby sleeps. But it’s hard! You have bottles and/or burp cloths to wash, visitors to entertain, and a precious bundle to stare at for hours and hours. All of these threaten to rob the much-needed sleep of a new mom. First, don’t be afraid to ask for help. Have family or friends come to hold the baby, change diapers, and/or do household chores while you take a nap. If you do not have people who will help in this way, and you can afford it, go ahead and hire someone. Many night nurses or postpartum doulas will come to your home to help during the newborn period. And it doesn’t have to be for a long time, either. We hired someone to help for several nights around week 6 when my exhaustion and my baby’s crying were at their peak. These people are angels in disguise. If you don’t feel comfortable with help overnight, hire someone to assist during the day so you can nap. Sleep is a necessity after having a baby, not an option. You’ll be better able to function after some rest.
Sleep Well
Once you’re able to sneak away, make sure your sleeping environment is perfect. Hang blackout curtains, use a noise machine and wear comfortable pajamas. You can finally enjoy sleeping on your back again! If you had a c-section, keep an extra pillow in the bed so you can place it over your abdomen as a brace when you cough, laugh, or sneeze. An adjustable bed is amazing for post-C-section recovery because it raises you into a sitting position (for nursing or getting into and out of bed) preventing you from overworking your abdominal muscles until recovery is well underway. The adjustability of a bed is also helpful after a vaginal delivery, especially if you had tears since you can find the sitting angle at which there is minimal vaginal pain.
Another tip: set yourself up for success by having everything you need near your bed. On my bedside table, I had two pacifiers, two burp cloths, a nursing pillow with a pocket that held gas drops and vitamin D (important to give babies that are exclusively breastfed). Other stuff on the table? My journal of my baby’s activity (I was so tired that I couldn’t remember which side I nursed on the last time), plus water and snacks for me. I also had a basket with all diaper changing supplies, because walking across the room to the changing pad was too much sometimes.
Sleeping Babies
A sleeping baby is a thing of beauty. They need the same things we do to rest: a dark and quiet room at a comfortable temperature. Babies also need a bedtime routine, a nonverbal way of telling them that it’s time to settle down. Our routine was going into the bedroom, turning on the noise machine, swaddling, turning off the lights, and rocking for 5-10 minutes until she showed signs of sleepiness (yawning, closing her eyes, breathing slowing down a bit). Then I placed her in a co-sleeper and patted her leg until she was nearly asleep. There are plenty of variations on this theme; find what works for you and your baby, because you will be doing it multiple times a day for several months.
You get to decide where your baby sleeps. Recent recommendations say that sleeping in a separate area (bassinet, co-sleeper, crib) in the same room as parents is best. However, that must be balanced with your ability to rest. My babies were both very noisy sleepers. As long as they were in the room, I could not sleep, which was not safe for me or them. So, they slept in a co-sleeper in my attached bathroom. I was near enough to hear a cry or cough but far enough away to not hear every grunt and sigh. This is a very personal decision that you should make with input from your pediatrician.
Mommy Guilt
A special word for all moms: let the mommy guilt go. Whether it be about breastfeeding, sleeping in the same room, asking someone else to care for your baby, or balancing this baby with other children–just do your best, then move on! This is a beautiful time but also a tough time, and it will pass quickly. Take a deep breath, get rest when you can, and try to savor the quiet moments with your newborn. If you are feeling overwhelmed or depressed, seek help immediately; you can’t and shouldn’t deal with these emotions alone. As one of my favorite people used to say to me, and this is advice definitely worth taking: be kind to yourself.
Dr. Bailey is an ObGyn and a reproductive endocrinologist and infertility specialist. She treats patients who are having difficulty conceiving or who have complicated gynecologic conditions, following women throughout early pregnancy. Her expertise in sleep and women’s health, including pregnancy, stems from professional as well as personal interests. As a mother of both a newborn and a toddler, she knows how important it is to get a good night’s rest. She has used the Reverie Sleep System throughout both her pregnancy and postpartum periods with excellent results.
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Nighttime Sleep and Your Newborn Baby
Caring for a newborn baby might be one of the times in life that is hardest on our sleep. Not only do around-the-clock feedings disrupt sleep, but it also comes right on the heels of the physical marathon of pregnancy and labor.
What helps during this time is to focus on the positives: along with all of the bonding you’ll be getting with this new addition to the family during this time, you’re also helping along a future super-sleeper as they settle into the regular routine that we all come to enjoy. It’s just an undeniable fact that getting through this stage takes some work.
Let’s take a look at why this time in your baby’s life wreaks havoc on your sleep, and some tips you can follow to help make the burden on you a little lighter.
Sleepy, hungry baby
Although it probably doesn’t seem like quite enough to you, your newborn actually sleeps a lot. Newborn babies clock in an impressive 15 to 17 hours of sleep a day, and this sleep usually comes in 2 to 3 hour intervals. Adding to the peculiarity of their sleep schedule is the fact that newborns have yet to develop the circadian rhythm that keeps us in tune with our daytime-nighttime schedule, so waking up at 3am or 3pm really makes no difference to them (but makes quite a big difference to you).
Newborns are also hungry a lot of the time. Part of this is due to the fact that they have very small stomachs, which means that they can get full on less but they also become hungry at a more rapid rate. Babies also digest breast milk and formula quickly, which is why they are often ready for a full meal every two to three hours.
With all of these interruptions, your sleep will become fragmented, due to waking up every few hours. Fragmented sleep means less deep, restorative sleep, causing you to lose out on some of the important benefits of a full night of sleep. One of the impacts of this loss is expressed through a lack of stability in your emotions. You becomes less understanding of other people, you react with greater negativity when things don’t go your way, and you have a harder time reading the emotions of others.
Tips for getting better sleep
- Keep your baby close by. Whether you get a bassinet attached to your bed or just give the baby a spot somewhere in your bedroom, this helps you do away with the frequent nighttime trips down the hall, allowing you to quickly scoop up your baby from nearby and remain comfortable in bed. Along with the convenience factor, this also cuts down the time that you have to spend awake going from your room to baby’s room.
- Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Whether it’s a partner, family, or friends, turning to them for assistance can help you get the boost you need. Try and get into the habit of making bottles of breast milk or formula during the day so your partner or someone else can take over the night shift feedings occasionally.
- Keep up with sleep hygiene. Make sure when you’re getting up to feed during the night you’re still keeping it dark (or as dark as you can while still being safe). Make use of white noise during feeding time, as babies grow used to sleeping through sounds in the womb, and this can actually be a comfort to them, helping them get back to sleep quicker (which means you do too). Watch your caffeine intake; we know it’s almost impossible to get through this time without it, but too much caffeine late in the day will keep you up later into the night.
Take care of you, too
In all the craziness of this nighttime feeding frenzy, don’t forget that you need to try and take care of yourself. If at any time you find the stresses of this sleeplessness overwhelming, make sure to consult a doctor as soon as possible. Remind yourself that this time of little sleep and constant wakeups will pass, and soon your baby will be getting a healthy night’s sleep all on their own—and so will you!
The New Parent’s Guide for a Better Night’s Sleep
Between the constant feedings, dirty diapers, and that growing pile of laundry that’s threatening to establish itself as your home’s overlord, you just aren’t getting enough of that sweet (oh-so-sweet) sleep you want.
By now you’re probably rolling your tired eyes and grumbling, “Tell me something I don’t know,” but hang in there, moms and dads. We've got simple strategies new parents can use to improve their sleep.
Your new baby and your sleep
First, let's take a quick look at why newborns change your sleep schedule so drastically:
- It all stems from the fact that babies have a sleep cycle that’s in overdrive. At three months, babies need a hefty 15-16 hours of sleep.
- Babies will sleep (an often sporadic) 10 hours at night and 5 hours during the day napping.
- Plus, the average newborn spends 50-80% of their sleep time in REM and takes only 50 minutes to complete a full sleep cycle. In comparison, adults spend 20% of their sleep time in REM and complete a full sleep cycle in 90 minutes. Translation: your baby’s brain races through sleep like a NASCAR driver, while yours is cruising the parking lot in first gear.
- A newborn’s speedy sleep pattern is also affected by their small tummies, which cause them to digest breast milk and formula at a rapid pace. That’s the reason they wake up every 2 or 3 hours feeling hungry.
- During the first few months when you’re keeping their schedule, you experience sleep fragmentation. These constant breaks in your sleep cycle cause you to spend less time in deep sleep and more time in light sleep. Likely coming as no surprise—this is a recipe for exhaustion.
How to maximize the sleep you’re getting
Things will eventually improve. Your baby will start sleeping through the night and the new parent anxieties that keep you up will lessen. Until that time comes, you’ll want to take some steps to ensure you maintain some semblance of rest.
Nap when the baby naps
It may sound trite, but one of the healthiest things you can do as a new parent is accept that you can’t do it all. Let your dishes and laundry pile up, and go take a nap. Even if you can’t complete a full sleep cycle, the extra rest will do good for your body and mind.
Give your bedroom a makeover
While changing your wall color and buying new bedding would be nice, this isn’t that kind of makeover. Instead, consider making some alterations to your bedroom environment, as well as possibly updating your bed.
You can make daytime naps easier by installing some blackout shades or wearing a sleep mask. We also recommend getting a white noise machine to drown out any loud or sudden sounds from the outside world.
As for the temperature, it’s better to be on the cooler end of the spectrum. Our bodies’ core temperatures drop to initiate sleep. When we’re too warm, this process is slowed or stopped altogether. Ensure that you’ll drift off faster by keeping your bedroom’s temperature between 65-70 degrees Fahrenheit.
Thinking that your old bed might not be helping your sleep situation? Consider switching out your traditional base for an adjustable one, which gives you the ability to raise the head or foot of your bed to the most comfortable position for you—and that's just the tip of the iceberg! Adjustable bases provide you with a number of benefits, like pressure-relieving massage, the prevention of loud snoring, and better lumbar support, as well as making nighttime feedings a cinch. (Psst, check out Reverie® adjustable bases if you're looking for unmatched engineering and design, and a wide range of price options.)
Go for a stroll
Try putting your baby in the stroller and heading out for a brisk walk (weather permitting, of course). Fresh air has a way of lifting spirits, and the sunlight will help regulate both you and your baby’s circadian clocks. Plus, adding movement to your day is great for your sleep and will help make you feel more alert during the day.
Be aware of your caffeine consumption
Because caffeine has a half-life of five to seven hours, it takes your body anywhere between 10-14 hours to fully be rid of it. A cup or two of coffee in the morning will likely not affect your sleep at night (and let’s be honest: sometimes it’s the only way to make it through the aforementioned sleep deprivation), but think about giving yourself a cutoff mid-afternoon.
While a good night’s sleep may seem like a distant memory, remind yourself that this won’t last forever. In the meantime, take care of yourself and rest when you can. Sleep does wonders in making you the parent, spouse, and friend you want to be.